Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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