I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
