Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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