Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
