I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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