2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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