i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
whose ass print is on the piano?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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