i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
