Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
