so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
