Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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