the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
