omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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