did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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