dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
