the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
