yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
