I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
