He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
