Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
