it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We need to get me chipped asap
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
