11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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