kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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