you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
