dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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