She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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