She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
