If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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