Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
