Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
