we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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