I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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