i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
