he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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