Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
