dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
please come you make the beer taste better
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
