wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
