$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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