took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
