Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
