oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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