Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
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I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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