I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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