I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
