I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I party with great urgency now.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
