she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
