i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
