YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize