How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
