Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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