Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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