i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
