okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
