As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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