I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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