remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
