I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
