I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
