thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize