Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
