You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
