that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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