Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
