He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
