the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
