im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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