well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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