i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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