There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am naked and annoyed.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
