The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
