She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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