my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
should my penis look like a turkey
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
