What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
