It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
